He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
