just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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