I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize