would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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