you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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