did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
