Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
