Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
