So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
