Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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