...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
