My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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