Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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