i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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