So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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