WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
