Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
