WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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