i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
