He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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