How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
