so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
