So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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