Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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