I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i came on her dog
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
