I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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