1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize