Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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