i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
