last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize