I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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