Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
