none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he shaved USA in his pubs
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
