So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
