im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
