I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize