tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize