Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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