Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
