i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
