I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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