I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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