what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
