he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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