I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
This is the high leading the old right now
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
