fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
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