she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
