I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
