Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
