If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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