Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
