Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
