There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
