you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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