I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I looked at my own cervix.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
