She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
