And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
bring money and cleavage
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
