he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
im holly from the hills drunk
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
