If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize