I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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