remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
