ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
