You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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