The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
