it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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