my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
