...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
