I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
