Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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